A year ago today, we were just a little under one month away from our wedding day. A year ago yesterday was my bachelor party. A year and a week ago I moved out of my place and all of my things into her place – luckily she was off enjoying her own wedding shower and bachelorette party that day, and didn’t have to do any heavy lifting herself.
But since then she’s done more than her share of heavy lifting. In fact, she’s been the one to hold me up when I’m in unable to carry my load or end of the bargain. She’s been more gracious than I have in dealing with my shortcomings, and she still (somehow) is able to muster the energy to help me think about life decisions like returning to school.
Now I’m not writing this to elicit sympathy, and have anyone say I’m being hard on myself, or as some power or guilt trip; I’m not doing this to “air dirty laundry” or anything. I’m writing this because we can create this manicured picture of our life in this social sphere. Our perfect pictures of our best moments, careful not to show where the hurt or pain or broken trust or promises unkept lie beneath.
We aren’t a perfect people. My relationship with my wife, while I treasure and value it highly, is not perfect. We need to stop acting like we are, because this world doesn’t care how put together we seem on Facebook, or how good the food we make looks on Instagram. What we should care about is how we can pick one another up when we are falling, how we can support one another in the hardships of life – whether temporary or long-suffering – and how we can come alongside one another when we need guidance and wisdom, which, let’s face it, is a lot more often than we care to admit.
I love my wife, probably more than she will ever know, and while I can privately apologize to her for my actions, small and large, just under a year ago we asked our friends and family to walk with us and help us as we work together in marriage. So this is me publicly saying: please walk with us, and me especially, because I need it. I struggle. I fail. And I don’t want to keep struggling and failing at the same things over and over.
(Post-script: If you have comments or suggestions on things to read or videos to watch that will be of value as we work on everything related to the work of marriage, please leave a comment below! See below for one way we’re working together to build our marriage up.)
What I’m reading: “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman